Yung kung kelan magki-Christmas, dun pa ko nalungkot.
I don’t know why……
Ito nanaman yung feeling na, hindi ko maipaliwanag eh. Feeling ko masakit sa dibdib kapag tinago ko lang siya sakin.
Pakiramdam ko kaya ako nalulungkot, kasi…alam niyo yung feelings niyo para sa isang tao na nag-HANG?
Yes, NAG-HANG! Yung, ayun na yung moment, tapos biglang, BOOM! Wala lang pala talaga. Minsan, hindi mo maiiwasang mag assume kasi nagbibigay ng motibo. Hayyyyy.
Mga pa-cliff hanger na emotions. Ituloy kasi kung totoo. Ayoko ng gantong feeling.
He’s been so EXTRA sweet, tapos, ayun nga, waley na. Nakakakaba, yet, alam kong wala akong dapat asahan. Eh anong magagawa ko? Masarap sa pakiramdam yung nararamdaman ko eh.
Yung kahit magkasama kayo, parang ayaw mo siyang iwan kasi alam mo sa sarili mong, mamimiss mo siya agad. DAMN THIS FEELINGS! IT SUCKS!
Yung feeling na kada tutunog phone mo, sa isip mo, "Sana si ano ‘to!"
Kayalang, GM lang pala ng mga ka-klase mo. BADTRIP, bro!
Ewan ko ba. Basta, feeling ko may mali saming dalawa.
Sana late receiver lang ako…..
Do you still remember how we first met?
I was facing your back the time I first saw you, you’re wearing a white polo shirt and maong pants paired with white sneakers..
I can still remember that, at the back of your shirt, there’s a stain. (haha. sorry. maybe I am just too keen observer)
We were both in the office that time, it was your first day and maybe that was my second week as intern.
I thought you were the one I will be with in the department where I were assigned. I just thought…………….. But I was wrong, you were placed on Audit department.
During your tour day, I just keep on looking at your back. I saw a bright smile from you when you turn your side to me. I smiled back. Why? Simply because it’s my job. To be nice to everyone, to smile to people whom I don’t even know, and to greet people cheerfully. Naahhh! Erase that, the truth is, because I was carried away by your smile.
Since that day, I always wanted to see your smile to start my day. To see your smile, even it’s hard to work on my department, I don’t care..
I can also remember how you approached me when you have the files to be received by our head.. You asked me with that shy look on your face, "Sino si Ma’am Nonette? Pa receive daw nitong papers.." I told you to come inside our office and go straight then there’s Ma’am Nonette.
After you came out with my head’s office, I understand what you lip synched…. “thank you ah?!” with a smile..
It’s also fresh on my memory how we became close. I was instructed by my boss to go Audit department to bring our blotter and log it on the log book of Audit department. It was exactly 6:00 in the evening when I opened the glass door, and greeted, "Goodevening po, papa————-" then you cut what I am saying, you greeted me with, "Goodevening Ma’am, welcome to Jollibee, what’s your order?" I just laughed. Finally, you approached me with that sense of humor (somehow)
I said, "Papa receive ko sana to, asan sila?" You answered me with, "Nasa meeting eh, pano ba i-receive to?" I taught you how. At first, you refused to receive it because you know those are important documents.. But I told you that it’s okay, you just have to put those documents to Miss Riza’s working table, then you followed me.
Oh, I forgot something. I prentended that I don’t even know your name. That I have no idea what your name is. There was one morning when you logged in ahead. I was next to you that time. I looked at the OJT’s Log Book, then I was surprised. That’s your name. I memorized it. Your first and second name with surname. I even wrote it on my phone so that I can still remember what your name is..
[Back to the time that I was in your assigned department]
Your co-ojt told her stories. Yes, her stories. About her lovelife. A reason for me to stay at yourdepartment. We became close that time. I also simply looked at your ID, it’s written that you were studying at Teresa, a hint came to my mind, I asked you, what your course is, then you said, IT. Then I also aked if you know a guy who’e name is Rayson, then you said, yes, he was your classmate. Then, I just nodded. You asked me, if I was studying in NCBA, and I said yes, you asked if I know such people.. and again, I said yes. I said, some of them became my classmate/s on some major subject.
I went back on my department at around 6:30 in the evening. A 30-minute communication that I’ll never forget.
I can’t also forget the first time you accidentally held my hand. We were both in a rush. I was running towards to your department, and vice versa. We met on the middle of our department. I felt that there were some butterflies on my stomach! I CAN’T FIGURE IT OUT, THAT FEELING! I let your hand hold my hand for a while, I love the feeling.. HAHAHAHA! But then, when one of the teller saw it, I instantly removed it from your hand.. That was really epic! :)
When I know that I’m near to finish my ojt hours, I planned to have a farewell party at my place. I invited all of the employees on my department and some of my co-ojt’s in the office….including you. Three days before my farewell party, I asked you, "may lakad ka sa sabado?" (May 18, 2013) you replied, “wala naman. bakit?” I told you to go at my place.. then you asked, "Anong gagawin natin?" THAT WAS REALLY AWKWARD QUESTION! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Two days before saturday, I asked you again, a simple reminder, “sa saturday, ha?!” You asked me, "As in last day mo na ba sa saturday?" I told you that I’m extended because I have to train the person whose going to replace me..
Then suddenly, you told me, "Text mo na lang ako!" My heart skipped a beat. But I just stayed and look calmed. Then I said, "hello? Wala kaya akong number mo!" You said, "ano bang number mo? ayy teka, wala pala dito phone ko.. akin na phone mo……….ayy, ikaw na lang pala magtype, may injury yung kamay ko eh.." And then, you spilled out your number.. I was really happy that time!
Yesterday, my farewell party went well.. the employees were happy. They were surprised as they said. I don’t know why. Maybe because our house is a bit big compared to a normal size of a house for 5. They left after two hours, maybe?
Kath, Lea and Quinie, they stayed because we’re all waiting for you. After one hour, Kim arrived. You’re not still there. Were exchanging texts, but you see, I’m not contended, you already told me, “wag na tampo” because one thing for sure, you’re coming right after what you are doing..
You: Pag sumakay ng tricycle, ano sasabihin?
Me: Panday Pira dulo..
I got a text from you, “dito na ko..”
I was so stunned. AS IN! My heartbeat was relly fast. It’s like, I ran for all of my life.
Yung feeling na ngayon ko na lang ulit naramdaman…….
I opened the gate… there is no one! I replied, "wala ka naman eh.."
I’m a near sighted person, but I know that you’re walking towards me. I know your built, the way you walk, the way how you hold your bag.
When you’re already in front of me, you spoke, “Akala ko, dun kayo sa kabila.. Oo nga, pangalawang gate sa dulo..na red..”
I let you come in without saying that my co-ojt’s already went home because it’s already seven in the evening..
We talked about some stuff, about our elementary days, that we were schoolmates for 6 six year yet, we don’t know each other. Poor us! haha..
My mom asked me to ask you to eat because it’s already 7:30PM. I reheated all the foods. HAHAHA! After all of those things, you sat beside me, not totally, beside, but near me.. You even put the plate in front of me. Spoon and fork.. Even the glass for juice. Then again, there were butterflies on my stomach! How come it happened again? Anyway, you put the carbonara on your plate, while I served you the lumpia. It’s like cloud nine already for me.. You chatted with my brother’s friend, and to my gay childhood. It’s like, I’m telling the whole world who are you to me..
You asked me that you’re going home early because you have to go Pangasinan.. I asked why, then you stated the reason.. I asked my mom if I can accompany you hanggang kanto namin, then she said yes. (sorry, i don’t know what;’s the english of kanto)
Some people are watching us, you know that. But the hell we care.. When we reached the “kanto” of our street, you told me, “Oh, dito ka na lang.. wag mo na ko hatid dun..” but while you’re saying that, we’re walking under the night sky..
When we reached the next kanto, “Hanggang saan mo ba ko ihahatid?” I answered, "sa bahay niyo.." You asked me, "seryoso ka?" Then I nodded as a reply.. You told me, "Wag na, daming tambay jan eh, umuwi kana.." I pouted, "Ayaw mo lang eh.." You told me that, "Hindi, ayos lang naman sakin na pumunta ka sa bahay, inaalala ko kasi na andaming bastos jan sa kanto. Kaya ko na sarili ko. Pag sumama kapa, ihahatid din kita pauwi sainyo.."
How lucky I am? :’)
But now, it’s already Sunday, May 19, 2013…….
You finished your ojt hours already last saturday, will you ever come back? Will I ever see you again? I know, people will tell me, “Andami-daming paraan para magkita kayo, halos magkatabi na nga lang bahay niyo eh..” Something like that. But, that stupid “what if” question on my mind? Huuuu. Call me OA, I don’t care..
I’m just hoping that it’s not like the other stupid summer fling that I had………..
Ang pagiging boyfriend hindi lang basta pagsesend ng “I love you, Good morning and I miss you” na text, pagsundo sa kanya pagkatapos ng school at pagbitbit ng mga gamit at bag nya, o kaya pagbibigay ng mga regalo at bulaklak tuwing may importanteng okasyon, o kaya naman pagtawag ng …
Hope to find one soon :)1,118 notes
"I was at the top and now its like I’m in the basement,Number ONE spot, Now he find his replacementI swear now I can’t take itKnowing somebody’s got my baby”
My favorite line. It describes what I really feel right now.
I changed some pronouns here :) Hihi. Sorry :)
Have you ever dreamed for your own so called "happy ending?" I guess, you already did. Daydreaming about your crush/partner in a very romantic way. In a relationship where everybody is jealous of.
How about to us girls, those romantic proposals, where our partner will propose through a jet plane using the smoke of it, saying, "will you marry me?" and all we can do is to cry because of happiness and sweetness for the one we love. And for the boys out there, all the effort you’re doing just to receive the sweetest "YES" from your girl.
Walking down the aisle of the church with the one you love, wearing a big smile and your dream wedding gown/suit, waiting to exchange I do’s and to pronounce that you are already husband and wife is one of the sweetest things you can ever feel in this fleeting world.. But what would you feel if all those dreams turned for what you never expected? Would it still be the same? What are the perks of daydreaming? Yes, it could make you feel happy and at the same time giggle in your own way. You can imagine your future with him/her that there’s no problem. No sluts around, no bitches who can stole your partner and no in-laws who are against with your love for each other.
But how about the drawbacks of daydreaming? Those you daydream about, are all the things you knew from the very start that it can never happen. Not maybe all, but most. Those are the things you want to happen but happened at the most different way. It’ll bring you disappointment. There’s no harm in daydreaming. It’s good because our imagination goes broader and broader. But sometimes, it leads us nowhere. We tend to imagine things that are very unrealistic. It hurts us most of the time because the one we imagined was a failure.
Let’s accept the truth that in every relationship, there’s always a relationshit. The give and take relationshit. You give, and he/she just take all of the advantages. You’re not naive about that but you choose to be. The fact that happy endings will just happen when you get married? It’s not true. You have to face another world after marriage. Life doesn’t stop when you get married. You’ll build your own family after a while. The fact that, you can also be happy even in simple things, sweet acts, being flirted by the one you love and also we have to accept the fact that not all you want will be yours….
Like me, I want someone whom I know can never be mine :( <//3
This maybe the stupidest thing I made on my life. Hoped for someone to love me back. So what’s wrong with that? I am not begging for love, but I loved him silently. And I have to face all of the consequences.
We were friends for almost two years, and I am loving him silently for almost two years too. Sounds funny right? Hahaha. But it hurts everytime we’ve been talking about his crush/es. Martyr? No, I’m not. Definitely not.
I had good memories with him.. It’s true. Talking with him til the sun comes up? Waking up with those cute sweet text messages? Gift for birthdays? Hugging each other in front of many people? Knowing him more and more each day? I experienced that. But what are we? We’re only friends..
Who can ever tell me that even once, he didn’t fall? Nobody. Maybe, I fell even more with our sweetness. But then, wrong move. His sweetness is just a sign that he value me as a trusted friend.
"And all this time I act so brave,
I’m shaking inside,
Why does it hurt me so?”
— Heaven Knows by Rick Price
That line keep on running on my mind right now. Especially the line, “why does it hurt me so?” I thought I can fight this feeling over him. But I was all wrong, everytime I’m trying to fight it, I fall deeper.
Am I really that stupid to fall inlove with the guy who can never love me back? I am not asking for anything in return. I was just, disappointed all this time that I loved a guy…………….silently.But, there’s no assurance that if I’d tell him, I love him, he’ll love me back, isn’t? I chose to love him silently, because in silence, there’s no rejection. Maybe in time, I’ll find a MAN not a boy nor a guy anymore.
I have to let my feelings go. I have to move on even we didn’t had any commitment. I had so much enough. I’ve gone too far. I want also to be happy. If that’s the God’s will, thank you God. I’m wide awake now. Thank you for giving me a special love that I can never had.. I will not cry because it’s over, but I’ll just smile because it happened.
I have to prove him that it doesn’t hurt. Why? Because all this time, all he know is, HE’S JUST A FRIEND OF MINE :(
I really feel sorry for this man who keeps on smiling at my back, talking good things on my back and caring for me.
I’m sorry if I was too blind to see what you do towards me. It’s just I’m too blind for someone :|
I know we’re not that really close (personally) but at least, each thing that I do, you know. How I sit, what can make me smile, even up to the little things.. thank you for being around. I don’t know what you really feel, if it’s for friendzone or lovezone, but I don’t care, I don’t want to ruin our friendship what only have started when you asked if "malapit na bang matapos yung dream high?"I was really shocked when you asked me that question. Knowing you’re a guy? HAHAHAH! That was so damn funny, but we passed on it. We became friends.
Thank you so much for being nice and for being around. I’m not maybe you’re best friend, but I swear to you, I’ll be a GREAT friend to you =))))))
I’ve never heard anything you want in return. Thank you. I don’t want to mention your name! :D SOON, I know, I’ll let you read this! >:D<
Hi there. :) If you’re not interested then SCROLL DOWN. It’s all about the mom of my past. :)
Name: Mary Grace Hermosa-Ramos (when she was still single. changed to Yamamoto when she got married.)
Son: Michikiro Akira Ramos-Yamamoto
Birthday: May 23, 1974
Alam niyo bang sobra akong tuwang tuwa kay Mama Grace? Yes, you read it right. MAMA ang tawag ko sa mama ng ex ko. Why? Simple lang, kasi ina-alagaan niya ko dati na parang anak niya. Pinakilala ako ni Michi sa family niya nung ika-3rd month namin. Nagtagal kami for 2 years. Saya diba? And there, I met his mom. Akala ko, hindi niya ko magugustuhan para sa anak niya. Syempre, ambata pa namin nun. Don’t ask na lang kung ilang taon ako nun. But yet, she accepted me. Nagtataka si Michi sa mama niya dati bakit sa lahat daw ng naging girlfriend niya, ako yung gustong gusto ni Mama Grace. Well, SORRY, up to now, hindi ko parin alam ang sagot jan. I can’t even ask mama. Si Mama Grace yung sobrang maglambing sakin.. Pag nasa mall kami niyan, lahat ng gusto ko, gusto niyang bilin, pero pinipigil ko siya. Hindi naman ako pinalaki ng parents ko para abusuhin yung kabaitan ng ibang tao. And who knows, baka mamaya pala, TEST yun ni mama if kakagat ba ko or hindi. Minsan, hindi ko na siya mapigilan, pero maliliit lang naman na bagay ang binibili niya para sakin. Hair accessories lang, alam niyang masaya na ko. Alam rin niyang hindi ako yung girly type na sobrang hilig sa pink.
Mama always kiss me on my cheeks. YES, BOTH talaga. :)) Tinuturing niya ‘kong tunay na anak niya. Tawag niya parin hanggang ngayon sakin is, “BABY GIRL” kahit break na kami ng anak niya, napaka bait parin niya sakin. So lucky Michi, you have a wonderful and gorgeous mom! ;)
Kanina, I’m with her. She picked me up sa Trinoma and dropped me by sa SM Fairview. While driving, ang daldal ni mama! =)))))) SERIOUSLY! :D Sorry Mama! Loveyouuuuu. She keep on telling me na “namiss kita baby girl” HAHAHA!
EPIC CONVO sa car::
Mama: *daldal ng daldal*
Mama: Baby, boyfriend mo ba katext mo?
Ako: Hindi po :)
Ako: Yes po :)
Mama: May boyfriend kana ba ulit?
Ako: Wala pa po. :)
Mama: Eh manliligaw?
Ako: Wala rin po :)
Mama: BAKA NAMAN IKAW NA ANG NANLILIGAW HA?
Ganyan si mama sakin. Parehas kaming baliw kapag magkasama.
Mama, sorry if I broke up with your son. I know, you know the REAL reason behind it, and I know that you understand it. Thank you rin mama, kasi I know and I can feel that you still care for me. Pakiramdam ko, hangga’t hindi na ulit nagkaka girlfriend si Michi, ako parin yung baby girl mo. Sana mama, sa susunod na magiging girlfriend ni Chi, MAS sweet kapa sakanya kesa sakin, kasi baka magtampo yun. HAHA! Iloveyou Ma, always will and forever. :) Kahit hindi ikaw yung biological mother ko, I still treat you as my second mom, next to my mommy Sheila. :) If I could turn back the time Mama, kung alam ko lang na magiging ganto pala LOVELIFE ko ngayon, I would still choose your son. :”> I never regret of having the Yamamoto / Ramos clan in my life. Thank you, Mama.
- Baby girl, Denise
Dati, I was envy with her kasi yung crush ko, gustong gusto siya.. up to the point na naging sila. Ouch diba? :| Nawala yung pagka inggit ko sakanya nung naging sila.. Then, after few months, they broke up. On and off relationship nila.
Hindi pala talaga ko dapat mainggit na naging sila. :) Kasi, naghiwalay din sila agad. Nung nalaman kong break na sila, I would lie if I’ll not say that somehow I felt some happiness, but after a 5 minute happiness, I felt pity for her.
Buti na lang pala talaga, hindi niya ako niligawan.. =)))))))) Thank you narin. :D
I have received a GM last time, sabi dun, laro lang daw yun. :) It’s just, you have to state some facts about you.. Napa-isip nga ako eh, "FACTS?" Kayo ba? Gusto niyo may malaman sakin? I may state some of my weird facts ;)
- First of all, I’m a God fearing person! I may do some stupid acts, but I’m just a human. Some says, I’m a bitch. HAHAHA! Well, I’m proud! Why? At least, I’m transparent. I’m not plastic. I’m not acting who I’m really not. If they find me like that, I don’t care :)
- I prefer using chucks than doll shoes or heels. Hindi ako girly type. :D
- Ang first impression parati sakin nung Elem and HS ako, mataray slash masungit slash snob. Pero nung HS ako, nilalaglag ako ng mga adviser ko! They tell my mom that I’m such a mean.
- Stress reliever ko ang swimming.
- I love playing bowling, volleyball and basketball. Mas takot ako maglaro ng mga maliliit na bola. ‘di ko rin alam kumbakit. Ayaw ko ng softball. :P
- I love travelling so much. Nag e-enjoy ako sa byahe. Lakwatchera nga ‘ko eh!
- Marami akong nunal sa paa. XD
- Frustrated Pilot, Dentist, Photographer, and Director ako. HAHAHAHA! Accountancy kasi pinakuha sakin ng parents ko.
- Mas marami akong barkadang lalaki kesa sa babae. May pagka picky ako kapag barkadang babae.
- Mas nakakatulog ako kung ang tugtog ay pangsayaw or any fast songs. Nagigising ako sa mga love or slow music.
- Nocturnal since elementary. :>
- Hindi ko pinapagupitan yung bangs ko sa parlor everytime na magpapagupit ako. Ako lang mismo nag gugupit sa bangs ko.
- I’m so attracted to things na color BLUE.
- I do collect “stars” I mean, anything basta star-shaped. I dunno kumbat gustong gusto ko yung mga ganun..
- I love eating strawberries and corns.
- Lotion ko, may glitters.
- Asthmatic ako.
- Naka 24 hour clock lahat ng time sa gamit ko ( 3 phones and iTouch )
- Allergic ako sa seafoods pero dahil favorite ko sila, kumakain parin ako.
- I’m a pessimistic
- May pagka bipolar ako.
- Hindi ako pwedeng gumamit ng anything sa katawan ko, unless it’s a hypoallergenic.
- Pabaligtad ako maglagay ng shoelace. Instead na nasa may ankle banda yung tali, yung pagsisintas ko, andun sa may unahan. Yung sa may dulo ng daliri mo? Gets? -_____-
- Certified daydreamer.
- Minsan pumapasok akong hindi nagsusuklay. Straight naman buhok ko eh, kahit hindi ako magsuklay, ganun parin. Tss. I want to curl my hair. Yung dulo lang. :D
- I can’t leave home without any hanky.
- Mahilig ako sa kwek-kwek, pishbol, kikiam, chickenballs.
- Blue belter ng Taekwondo.
- Time conscious ako. What I mean is, ayoko sa mga nale-late kapag may usapan.
- Twitter addict.
- Magulo ang kwarto ko especially kapag malapit na examination week.
- I love dogs and rabbits.
- I treasure my REAL FRIENDS a lot.
- Mahilig ako bumili ng slippers.
- I want to have a tattoo on my back.
- I love ICE CREAM // ICE CREAM CAKE! :D Yum yum yum!
Next time na yung iba. :) Andami na niyan eh. Half of me, kilala niyo na! :> So, half body picture lang din muna. Thaaaaaaaanks! :*